Monday, April 23, 2012

IF YOU TAKE A MAGS TO THE MOVIES

Chris said to me as he was walking out the door to go on a business trip:

"Hey, Honey, that movie 'Chimpanzee' just came out in the theaters. You could take the kids to see that today if you wanted."

What a great thought, my darling husband. Stellar idea. Let's just review how this went, shall we? (I borrowed this 'form' of writing from 'If You Take a Mouse to the Movies'. Thanks to Laura Numeroff for her clever writing.) Also, thanks to my encouraging friend, Michele at ODNT, for giving me the idea and confidence to post this.

Here we go:

If you take a Mags to the movies, she’ll ask you for some popcorn. When you give her the popcorn, she’ll spill it all over herself and the sticky floor. Then she’ll want to pick it up and eat it. You’ll have to distract her with candy from her Easter bunny basket you smuggled in. While eating the candy, she’ll complain about how there are no bunnies in the movie. She’ll ask you why there are no bunnies in the movie in a very loud whisper. When you tell her it’s because it’s a movie about a baby Chimpanzee, she’ll get all excited and start to watch. She’ll see the Chimpanzee snuggled up with his mama. She’ll comment enthusiastically about how sweet that is and she’ll want to sit in your lap. Once she’s settled in and you’re completely uncomfortable, she’ll see  the baby Chimpanzee drink something. Then she’ll ask you for a drink. You’ll have to reach over her and get the juice box you stowed away in your huge, purple purse. She’ll tell you that she can do the straw herself. She’ll fumble with it and end up asking you to do it. You’ll put the straw in just as she grabs the box and squirts juice down the front of your shirt. She’ll say she’s sorry. You’ll distract her by pointing out that the baby chimp is sticking his tongue out. She’ll start to watch the movie again and notice that the baby chimp is exposed. She’ll shout out very loudly in a very quiet theater of people,

“MAMA, I CAN SEE THE BABY CHIMP’S PENIS! DO YOU SEE IT?”

You’ll be stunned by her observation and not answer quickly enough. She’ll point to the screen, forcefully grab your face, and say,

“SEE?”

You’ll snap out of your shock and answer her to keep her from saying it again. Everyone will be laughing around you. You’ll lean over and grab a pile of popcorn from the floor and offer it to her in hopes she won't talk with a full mouth. When you give her the popcorn from the sticky floor, she’ll tell you how much she loves the movies. Chances are she’ll ask you to take her to the movies again and you’ll say to her,

“Ask Daddy.”


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63 comments:

  1. Oh, I love it. I love it. I love it! Go, you! Awesome post.

    Perhaps you'll inspire me to write about what my 5-year-old son said to me once when we were waiting in a very quiet space to board a Disney ride.

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    1. Well, thank you, for giving me a boost of confidence to write it!

      I hope that I do inspire a post about it. I can't wait to read it.
      Get writing...go on...! :)

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  2. Classic! That's all I got...just Classic!

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  3. lmao! i want to go to the movies with you next time!

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    1. Anytime. She's sitting in your lap, though!

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  4. LMFAO! Just imagine when she starts dating!

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  5. Great post. Short, sweet and relatable. And a reminder of why I haven't yet taken my 3 year old to the movies - although I, too, thought that Chimpanzee would be a great introduction to the cinema!

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    1. There was lots of crying from other kids in the theater. They aren't kidding on the ads when they say there are some intense scenes.

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  6. Oh how funny! I felt like I was reliving the Lorax with Chloee!

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    1. Taking a kid to the movies is like Extreme Movie Watching.

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  7. Loved it! :) New follower - found you at YeahWrite 54.

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  8. I love that you wrote this in "If you take a mouse to the movies" style! Why is it that our children mostly want to talk about private anatomy in public places like the movies and the line at the grocery store?!?

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  9. hahaha! Sounds like a wonderful time... well for the little one at least. Props for actually going AND staying! Not every parent would have been as patient as you.

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  10. Oh how I can relate to this one! Damn juice boxes! And exposed chimpanzees! So funny.

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    1. No kidding! You'd think with all this technology out there that they would find a way to keep a juice box from doing that!

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  11. Awwww... this is so so sweet! Kids, they say the darnest things, don't they? But the pure ignorance makes them all the more adorable!

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  12. Hhahahaha awkward. I like the "if you give a mouse a cookie" style. Clever!

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    1. THanks, Gia. As usual, your hardware store trip cracked me up!

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  13. I have a "Mags" of my own and could totally relate to this!
    Loved the "If You Give A..." style!
    Kerry at HouseTalkN

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  14. Very cute. And this is why I haven't taken my two to the movies. Ever. Deprive them, I say!

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    1. Kristin, it usually goes a lot smoother when my husband is there. I might wait to do a solo trip again for a while. :)

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  15. This was such a cute take on those if you give a mouse a cookie books! Love the idea (-:

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  16. Soooo funny. Thanks for making me start the day with a grin.

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    1. Awww, glad I could do that for ya, Sandra!

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  17. LOVE IT! What a great post to read as I start the day.

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  18. Rambled over from ODNT's blog. GREAT story! Between you and ODNT, I got my first couple of laughs early. That ROCKS! :)

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    1. Thanks. So glad you found me! ODNT's blog is so cleverly written. Her story is HILARIOUS!

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  19. Oh I loved this story! So funny! Now this is kiddie lit I can support. ;) Ellen

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  20. hahahah love this. i wanted to take my Lovie (2) to see this and the hubs thought i was nuts. he may be right, huh? :D

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    1. I would say 2 is a little young yet for this movie. There are some scary parts that might frighten him. They make it look so cute on TV though, don't they? WHo can resist that baby Chimp's face??

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  21. Hahahaha. I did a spit take with my french toast on that one. Yep, right back on my plate. Oh, I look forward to more little ones around. I love your blog!

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  22. Bwahahahhahaaaa! That is AWESOME!

    I don't think my girls know what a penis is yet.

    THANK GOD.

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  23. HAHAHAHA - sooo funny! And THIS is why I never take my kids to the movies!

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  24. I thought I was the only parent to have a daughter to comment about the monkey's tool, except my daughter told me that the chimp was hairier than I am.

    That was all sorts of fun.

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  25. too funny! those juice boxes, they will be the end of me!

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  26. Holy crap, this is awesome! You are such a clever storyteller!

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  27. Hahahaha, that's hilarious! Gotta love kids.

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  28. Hahahaha! I love it. Mags rocks! I love the way you told it, I couldn't stop giggling.

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  29. That is so funny! We had an animated movie goer as well. Well written!

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  30. Go Mags!
    I believe the answer to Mags' question should have been
    "Sure. Daddy would love to take you!"

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  31. This is an awesome post! I love that book. And using that format to write a post is just genius! I might have to steal that idea too. ;)

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  32. So funny! I love If You Give a Mouse a Cookie! And now I love If You Take Mags to the Movies!

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  33. What, no bathroom requests? I once took my son to the bathroom 3 times in one movie.

    Very cute post!

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  34. This was fabulous and can I say, I do believe if I took my kids alone to the movies it would most certainly go somewhere along those lines!

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  35. Ha! This sounds so familiar. My daughter once threw her shoe from the top of the theater all the way to the bottom. Repeatedly. And my son sneezed right on the person sitting in front of him. Fun times.

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  36. God I hated those books and that damn mouse/pig/greedy insatiable animal. BUT your post made me laugh in recognition. My 7 year old turned to me from the soccer field the other day and bellowed at me (proudly): MOM! I JUST GOT HIT IN THE NUTS!!" And told me again when the game was over. Loudly. And started to show me (and the other bystanders) exactly where the ball had hit his...ball(s). Ah the joy.

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  37. Yep. That pretty much sums it up. Funny as hell though, Erin

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  38. hahahaha!!! She is so funny (although I am sure it was not funny at the time). Great choice on writing style. We love all of Laura Numeroff's stories!

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  39. We all know what the good parts of the movies are. That sounded wrong. I meant the popcorn.

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  40. It's even funnier the second time. Glad you linked it. Ellen

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  41. What a great post! Very cute idea!

    I loved that movie as did my kids, but I don't remember THAT part!
    Kids say the darnedest things at the darnedest times :-)

    Stopped by from Mamakats...have a great day!

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