SOCKS ARE THE DEVIL! Yeah, I said it, Socks. What are you going to do about it? You've already been treading on thin ice with your "Dryer Disappearing Act". I mean, seriously, where do you go? And it's not the plain white ones with the worn down cotton heel. It's always the cute ones with the owls or dancing Snoopy on them. Maybe it's because you feel slighted from May to October in our neck of the woods. I'm sorry. It's not my fault.
But then, Mags gets used to the feeling of freedom on her tootsies. That first fateful Fall day comes and then there you are. Eager. Waiting. Smelling fresh for once. I think how exciting it will be for everyone to be reunited. The comfy warmth.
But then....you let me down. Your seam right across the top of her toes is like a trip wire. The second it lands, KABOOM! She is set off and this is the scene that occurs:
Me: "Yay for new princess socks!"
Mags: "Where are my favorite dancing Snoopy socks?"
Me: "Remember we lost one last Spring in the dryer?" (insert grumbles) "But, look! Yay for new princess socks!"
Mags: "I like these. Here let me put them on." (pulls socks on)
Me: (scurries away to brush teeth in bathroom)
Mags: (SCREAMS BLOODY MURDER)
Me: (stomach drops, jumps, scrapes up gum with toothbrush, whispers profanities, runs to living room) "What Mags, what happened? Are you okay?" (checks over her body, feet, looking for possible insects crawling away)
Mags: (writhing on the floor) "My socks. They feel yucky. They're buggin' me. Get them off! GET THEM OFF!"
Me: "Holy cow, Mags. Okay. It's not like there's acid or biting spiders in them. Calm down."
Mags: (stops, gasps, tailspins) WHAT? THERE ARE BITING SPIDERS IN MY SOCKS?!? WHAT? AHHHHHHHH! GET THEM OFF NOW!!"
Me: (quick mental note to keep my sarcastic humor to myself) "No, Honey. I'm sorry. There are no spiders. I was just kidding. You're acting crazy LIKE there were spiders in your socks. That's all I was saying."
Mags: "That wasn't nice. You scared me. I'm never wearing socks again"
Congratulations on your Mom Fail, Mel!
You win....another try at this tomorrow.
Better get thinkin' of some better strategies other than biting spiders.