I FOUGHT THE STROLLER...AND THE STROLLER WON

"If someone says 'Have a magical day' one more time to me, I'm going to hurt them."

Back when the kids were little, we would join Chris on trips he took to present at conferences. For a few years, he attended one that was about 10 minutes from Disney World. How fun is that? 

Well, not really fun if you have an unruly two-year-old, a brand new two-month-old, and a mama with postpartum hormones. Lucky for me, Chris thought ahead. He suggested we have his then 21 year-old-cousin, Christie, join us on the trip. That way she could help me out during the day while he was working. We all thought this was a fantastic idea. Her and I could take Tuck (and Mags) into Magic Kingdom. Turns out it was a learning experience for all of us. Most of all Christie. What's the number one thing we learned? 

How to make your 21 year old cousin NOT to want to 

have kids anytime soon. 

Here's how: 

Make her be in charge of the baby stroller the entire time.

She'll have to drag it out of the van, hit herself in the shins with it, figure out how to unfold it, get the baby in and out, figure out how to fold it back up, and get it back in the van. If you're are going for broke, have her be in charge of it in the parks of  Disney World. This means she'll need to carry the folded stroller on the Disney Tram that doesn't even have leg room, never mind folded up stroller room, get it off the Tram, hit herself in the shins again, fight to unfold it with 347 people pushing by her while watching the two-year-old spin into a tantrum that he had to get off the Tram. 

Then she'll have to get said flailing, kicking, and screaming two-year-old into the stroller, while watching her language, and putting pressure on the bloody wound she got while opening the darn thing. Now, let her wheel it around the park weaving in and out of people who are playing chicken with her and their own strollers. Who will move first?

While you are on a roll, don't forget to have her be in charge of parking the stroller in the designated Disney Stroller Parking spots 100 yds from the ride you are going on. Since she is a smart cookie, she'll remember the exact spot she placed this devil on wheels. Jokes on her because the Park Attendants will play musical strollers while we are on the ride, leaving her searching for your very expensive baby equipment like her bottle of beer at a frat party.

If you feel like this in itself doesn't seal the deal, no worries. The kids will take over. Since the two-year-old has been eating Disney delicacies since we arrived, he'll have a blow out diaper. Not to be out done by her big brother (even at two-months-old), the newborn will follow suit and simultaneously have an up the back and down the legs explosion. The rancid smell will soak into the car seats and overtake your rental van. Have her deal with one of the kids while you use an entire box of wipes attempting to clean up the other child.  She'll walk the two-year-old around the van, dry heaving, while he screams "I HAVE POOPS" and is dripping down his legs. 

By the end of the trip I'm sure she was cursing Chris for suggesting this idea, her mother for getting her the plane tickets, and me for having post baby, sleep-deprived, mental breakdowns every thirty minutes. When the day arrived for her to go home, she was up, showered, packed, and ready to leave for the airport at 6:00 AM. Thing is, she was a GINORMOUS help. 

Just like having a baby though, she has forgotten the horrid details of that trip. In fact, we just attended her wedding shower this past weekend. She'll make a stunning bride...and hopefully we didn't scar her enough that she'll make a cute little mommy one day, too. 

We love you Christie with all our hearts. I owe you at least twenty diaper changes and a six bottles of wine. You can hold me to that when you have kids. 

Now,  who thinks I should give her a stroller for a wedding present? 

Just kidding! Well, sorta. 

I'm linking up with Yeah Write #58