Friday, March 22, 2013

I Don't Have a Clue

Mags was explaining what she learned about dinosaurs in Pre-K while we were in the grocery store. 

Mags: "If I eat plants, I'm a 'hore'...a 'hore'...a 'horbivore'."
Me: "Close! HERBivore."
Mags: "How do you know all this stuff?"
Me: "From going to school and reading. You'll get there. But, I'm still learning." 

This week, a blogger named Mama Kat posted her Writer's Workshop. One of the prompts was to write about 10 things you DON'T know how to do. A list of my failures immediately started swirling and collecting in my brain. Once I had a moment to sit down and organize my thoughts, I got ten things together. 

I don't know how to:

1. Juggle more than two balls. (You in the back, get your mind out of the gutter.) I'm serious. I even tried to learn from a professional once. I'm fine with two, but add that third in there and it's over. 

2. Transform Transformers. That's great that they give you instructions, but, like juggling, by the second step and visual, I'm a goner. I twist, turn, pull and swear under my breath. In the end, all I have to show for it is sweat dripping down my back, a crying child and blood blisters. 

3. Let go of an argument. I stew, simmer and stir about that misunderstanding for hours before I'm over it. 

4. Not feel guilty. Chris jokes that I wake up feeling guilty. Do I? Oh, gosh. Does this bug you? Okay. I'll stop. Sorry. 

5. Stop biting my nails. I KNOW! It's gross. But I don't know how to stop it. It's my go-to thing when I'm nervous, anxious, excited...or really anytime.

6. Say NO. I cannot say N-O. It always comes out Y-E-S. 

7. Brine meat. Okay. I don't even know what this means. But I see people writing on Facebook how they "brine their meat"... wait a minute ... this is a cooking term, right?

8. Stop eating Cadbury Mini Eggs. Seriously. An intervention is needed. If I'm calling it on myself, you know it's bad.

9. Hook up the jumper cables to two cars. Which ones do you hook first, again? In which order?  Don't touch which colors together? Oh, goodness. You're just better off buying a new battery. 

10. SLEEP! After seven years of interrupted sleep patterns due to newborns, toddlers, croup, wet beds, and night terrors, *I* am now learning how to sleep through the night again. Hmmm. I wonder if Ferber has a sleep-training model for parents? 

What are some things YOU don't know how to do? 
Feel free to share with me in the comments. 


  1. I pretty much have the same problems. I so agree with #2, I got so frustrated and angry trying to do those transformers and finally declared this is not for Mommy! It irritated me so much. Can anyone put them together again?

  2. Girl, I bite my nails too! It is so hard to stop! Love the little dialect on top-kids say the funniest things! Come link this up if you like:)

    1. It's soooo hard!! I'm gonna come check out your link-up. :)

  3. I get a gel manicure to stop biting. ;)

    oh I hate transformers and Legos, I'm so bad at both...thankfully my sons like them only for a moment and go back to their cars, their Harry potter , their Leappads.

    I can't juggle at ALL!!!

    I think you're awesome. Truly.

    I can't say no, can't stop taking all the blame. I am terrible at baking, terrible at patience, I have NONE. Terrible at planning ahead, I'm such a procrastinator.

    wasn't this fun???

    1. It taught me a lot. I really had to hold back and keep trimming my list.

      Curse you Transformers!!